Love disruption

Everybody’s always telling me the cold isn’t so bad and that I shouldn’t let it bother me. In defense of myself, I don’t run around all day complaining about how cold it is. It doesn’t keep me from going outside, at least not yet. I even, of my own volition, took my bike out in a light drizzle once (that’s got to be good for some assimilation points!). Maybe what concerns people is my habit of noting, out loud, when I find the temperatures a bit too nippy. I can’t help it that it already feels so wintry to my Arizona-trained body and that my thoughts escape my mouth unfiltered (a habit I can’t seem to break, regardless of what my thoughts are).

If I surrender to the cold and make my peace with it, does that mean I’m giving up a part of myself, the Arizona part I’m so proud of? Our move here, while not necessarily permanent, definitely doesn’t have a foreseeable end. It’s not like I just came here to get my master’s degree (one of two reasons I survived two years in Utah, the other being the amazing wilderness of southern Utah). So I really need to embrace this place as home.

It’s a scary thought though, to desert (no pun intended) one’s roots. I feel a little lost sometimes. Life has been happening at break-neck speed for the last few months. I got married and changed my name. I quit a career I’d studied six years for and spent seven years working in (and that nobody really needs in Germany – water conservation? come on). I moved to a foreign country. I left behind my parents, and even worse, the other half of my brain (my sister – she’s the funny half). I’m unemployed. I’m considering not one, but two new career paths. It’s all a little crazy.

And because I’m one of those people who likes to feel in control of things and who really doesn’t like change all that much, some days I just want to hide in bed, cuddled up with a book and a hot chocolate, and ignore everything Out There. But I don’t because I have Toby. His motto is “disruption is good,” and he always finds the bright side to anything. Even though he can sometimes be maddeningly positive, it’s really nice to have someone like that on your team.

So, here’s to embracing change, loving disruption, and seeing the positive!

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5 thoughts on “Love disruption

  1. You aren’t deserting anything; you’re evolving, and that’s what keeps life brilliant. As Dennis likes to remind me, “change is inevitable, growth is optional.” Knowing you, you will thrive in your new environment and in the face of challenges (including the weather!).

    It was time to move on from what you were doing in your career. While finding the new path is frustrating, know that years from now, you will look back in amazement at how it played out.

    And still, you will always be Christina: half of the incredible Christina-Angelika duo, daughter, international booty-shaking and un-self-censored friend of so many of us around the globe, and most recently and wonderfully, wife of Toby.

    It just takes a while to settle in. One day you will be surprised to realize you have, about the time you realize you are running about in flip-flops, shorts, and a tank top and it’s barely 70F. :)

  2. I went through the same thing when I moved from PHX. It wasn’t my “roots” but it was starting to feel like it! And I didn’t move to a different country, but it feels like a world (and a couple generations) away. I hadn’t just been married, but I did have an alien growing inside me. :) Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve felt the same way. I know it’s very difficult, and it’ll take awhile to get adjusted and find your own niche. But it will happen slowly but eventually. You still will probably need to wrap yourself in multiple layers of blankets in the winter, but you will start calling 70F “nice & warm.” And BTW…I second all of Carol’s comments about finding a new path and what an amazing (and quirky) woman you are!

  3. Pingback: Foreign-heit | chanceofsun

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